RAIHEEHEE

I know that in life, people come and go, but I wish they'd give some sort of warning when they do.

(via runawaytrain)

Maybe i will be prepared that way.

Just because, we do not spend as much time as before, means anyone is forgotten. All you have to know is, I am always here when you need me. And I will always love all of you the same.

My darlings, this is for you.

Move on with life.

I don’t know if i am behaving the right way. I don’t know if i should do anything about the way i feel. Sometimes i feel, somethings i better left the way it is.

People don’t always understand you. And thats the harderst part of it all. If i want to talk about it, I will need the person to understand. But i know you pretty well, I know you just care about yourself half the time.

So you know what, I give up. I just want to leave things the way it is. I’ll just take things as it comes. ANd i don’t want to make things better and all. I am happy the way i am.

Just know that no matter what, I love you.

I can't and won't tell anybody.

Its fucking irritating. I know whats bugging me. I know whats making me sad. But i just don’t want to tell anyone. I knew it from the start of the day.

People will understand me, but so what? It won’t matter a shit at all. I rather be all alone. I rather keep things to myself, coz when i tell someone, they will inform you in the end. I DON’T NEED PEOPLE TO INFORM YOU. YOU SHOULD FUCKING REALISE.

I avoided everyone today. Why? I just don’t know. I don’t feel like talking to people at all. I don’t want my bad mood to ruin anybody’s. And if i was going to see you, i would probably just hate you so much more. And question myself, Do you hate me so much?

You told everybody. But.. I know i am no one to you anymore. All I am to you is a fucking piece of shit. And you know what, it hurts. Coz i love you.

I just want to drift away. Like i don’t want to be like before. So in future, if anything like that happens, i won’t feel it. And you know what, it’s capable of happening again.

You have changed. To become someone so disgusting. Thats a fact, you can’t face yourself. I am not being mean, but the truth always hurts. Talk about people and you become like that.

I don’t know. I am just fucking hurt.

I want.

I want someone.

Someone who i can relate to. Someone who is as weird as me. Someone as innnocent as me. Someone who is a gundu like me.

Someone who will just crap along with me. Someone who trust me. Someone who does not need assurance that i love him. Someone who can love me unconditionally.

Someone who is carefree. Some who is aimless. Someone who thinks about his life, but at the same time don’t think too much about it.

Finally, someone who can make me laugh all the time.

Do i matter?

Do i make a difference in your life?

If i die, will you cry? Will you miss me?

Questions with no answers.

I find myself advising people half my life. Telling them what i hear and learn in movies or what my parents told me when i was younger. Or sometimes, coming up with stupid theories, that make sense.

But, these things i tell people, i can never do it for myself. When you fall into the same situation as that person, you will suddenly realise you cannot do what you think you will.

Life is something weird we all have. It is filled with alot of things we just cannot explain. For example, Emotions.

Why do we feel happy, sad, angry, disappointed? And most importantly, why do we love? How do we love? Who’s controlling this thing called the emotions for us? Its controlling to the point, sometimes, it just takes over.

I don’t know. When i think about it, i laugh at myself for thinking this way. I don’t want scientific explanations. I just want answers that i can understand. Give me something stupid, and if i think it makes sense, i will believe it.

But really, why do we love? and then why is it so hard to come out if it? It just makes life more complicated, to the point, some people want to end it. But on the other hand, its all some people need to make them happy.

I want to love.

I want to know the feeling. I want to feel the excitement of wanting to see the special someone, where your heart just becomes weak. I want to feel hopelessly in love, where you get obsessed about the person. I want to feel the magnet, when two people kiss and they can never get enough of each other. And I want that someone, who can make things real for me. I want to experience true happiness, from deep within.

Maybe god knows i am fragile, and he wants to save me from heartbreaks. Coz he loves me. He knows that if i am going to fall in love with someone, i will probably fall so deep and then i will kill myself.

There’s an answer for me, somewhere. I know. I am going to wait. Going to be patient.

Thankful.

It just suddenly hit me, when the tumblr thingy asked me to upload a pic of smth I am thankful for.

WHAT AM I THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful, for the people around me. These people just make my life complete. I don’t know what I will do without them.

They were there, when i was down. To make sure things are ok, for me. They were there, when i was happy, to just share my joy. They were there, when i wanted to do stupid things. They made sure i didn’t look stupid alone. They didn’t mind looking stupid for me.

And the best part is, THEY ARE STILL HERE FOR ME.

Every single one of them, hold a special place in my heart. Deep, deep inside my heart.

I love all of you darlings.